Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize