I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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