Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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