There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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