I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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