omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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