You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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