I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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