I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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