Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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