had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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