Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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