dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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