he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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