I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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