I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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