idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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