6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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