He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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