I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize