You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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