oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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