Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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