just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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