She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize