I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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