Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize