dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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