It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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