tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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