i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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