Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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