there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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