She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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