In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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