Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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