i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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