i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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