i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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