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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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