So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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