you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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