There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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