just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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