So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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