i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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