somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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