i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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