I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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