yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
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Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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